Who knew...

I have met a lot of incredibly interesting people lately. Some I’ve met- but never gotten to know more than a passing conversation and somehow we have now become closer. Others are new, and all have been delightful to be around. I am not sure when I started to weed out the toxic relationships in my life. Some I left behind without a second thought, others were harder to see.

I am discovering how to balance in a way that works for my life. I know what I want, what I need, and what I don’t.

I don’t understand people who hide their humanity. I have found that its the parts of myself I want no one to see that bond us together. You at your worst, when you are fragile, when you're inspired, or brave- that’s what I want to learn about. That’s what I link up with; it’s the mess that challenges us to grow and expands our hearts. That feeling of, “I get that”. For me at least, it makes this journey all the more worthwhile- a little less lonely. It’s comforting to know even though we are all disgusting on the inside, that we also fundamentally want the same things- That each and every one of us has the capacity for love and is capable of moments of real impact.

I am glad I took the long way and learned the hard lessons young. I am grateful at the age of thirty the world has not hardened my heart. I am thankful that two years ago I did not drowned in self-hate and despair.  That I have learned to let go and embrace every inch of this body I call my home.

I owe this to all of the people in my life who challenged and accepted me. I owe my strength to all who have spit me out and made me question my worth. Thank you for making me feel small so I could understand what it's like to feel big. Thank you for making me feel ugly so I could discover my beauty. Thank you for making me feel unheard so I could find my voice. Thank you for giving me something to stand for, people worth fighting for, and for helping me see the good in the worst of situations.

I am surrounded by people who love and support me for exactly who I am and not who they would have me be. How this happened, I’ll never know. When I fall or stumble, I don’t have people who stare back at me with judgment or disdain. I don’t associate with the selfish, the paranoid, or manipulative.

The people in my life hold out arms for hugs, and have shoulders to lean on. They tell me to try again, they say things like, “What you want, is what I want for you”, “You are wanted, and you are loved every day”.  They are my teachers, my friends, and my chosen family.

I don’t have to prove or explain myself to anyone and the people in my life don’t ask me to. We want to be in each other’s lives, there is no need chase, or be dishonest, there are no expectations. Just love, just trust, and confidence. There is laughter, understanding, honesty and loyalty.

I have no idea what I did to deserve these incredible relationships, but I am glad I never gave up. I am glad I didn’t listen. I am glad I asked questions. I am glad I always followed my heart even when it led me astray. I am glad I have never been afraid to make an ass of myself or fall down over and over and over again… and mostly I am thankful I said hello- because without saying that first hello, I wouldn’t know a single one of you and that would be sad indeed. I am glad I can’t see what tomorrow holds because right now is pretty fucking good.

For anyone out there who is lost, keep holding on. Start asking yourself what you want, and go get it. I hope you meet people along the way who help you see the best parts of yourself and encourage you.  I hope you find people who inspire you. I hope you know that you aren’t alone.

And if ever you feel like the world has no place for you, I hope you create a place for yourself.